881: When your cell phone dies with no warning

Go to fullsize imageTalk talk talk away!  Hopefully you aren’t in a roadside emergency or you weren’t getting directions to your friend’s wedding reception because when your phone cuts off on you just hope that you have a charger or at least 50 cents to get you to a nearby pay phone to make that call.  Oh wait…the number is stored on the phone and I don’t have the number memorized – awful!

899: When someone waves at you, but doesn’t

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So you’re sitting in the cafeteria area of the mall and you’re waiting for your friend to meet you at the mall.  You just ordered a slammin’ burger at the BK Lounge and you are just chompin away when you see someone wavin’ at you at the mall.  It looks like your friend and you put down your sandwich and smile and wave back. Then you see the person give you an uncertain smile only to turn back and look that the wave wasn’t for you it was for someone behind you.  Embarrassing…

Other bad waves of excitement:

* The “You, Me, Are you sure?!” wave: you’re walking at the mall and someone you see waves at you from a floor above you stop and look around and then you point at yourself confused and then the person stalls shakes their head yes and then you oddly wave back to get either a hello or just a odd smile back with them waving back.  There went that cute date goodbye.

* The “Waiter I’m not calling you here!” wave:  The wave where you see your friend come by as you’ve saved them a seat and you motion them over and the waiter comes over asking if you need something…no no I don’t…

* The “I’m NOT wavin’ at you!!” wave: You’re exiting the theater and through the cattle call rush out of the theater after the credits are rolling your friend stops and you wave them back to you and as they step to the side someone looks back and confusingly waves to you.  Then you just wave them to the side and they continue to look confuse as you finally walk to your friend then glare at the person who tried waving at you.

* The “Hi neighbor.” wave: The elderly person that gives you the smug smile and waves at you from the side of the road as you drive by lost looking for your friend’s house

* The “Argh forget it” wave: You’re just tired of trying to explain your point, just forget it and wave it on by to totally dismiss your point!

* The “Oops I didn’t mean to cut you off” wave: Yeah thanks for driving closely with your cheesy smile and minutes from a near fatal accident.

* The “I meant goodbye not come here and talk to me for 10 minutes…I’m in a rush” wave: Yeah, I meant to discreetly say hi, not motion you over for lunchtime chatter.

Just awful altogether.

901: How’s the food?

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Why is it when   ask you “How’s the food?” that it never seems to fail that each time food is in my mouth?  I have to give them the “wait a minute” finger and then say it’s good or just nod my head in agreement not to make sure I’m not giving them the sign that I’m choking.

Then when they do ask they only take the word of one person at the table not everyone around, I mean what if my meal sucks?  Must they go by what one person says?!  Can there just be a thumbs up thumbs down rating system we use since they love to ask with our mouths full?

Now how awfully stuffed is my mouth the next time they ask?  I’ll probably just drop the food out my mouth and smile with excitement with two thumbs up.

902: Bad plate timing

So a friend and I were eating at a restaurant tonight that just opened in the new Peninsula Town Center.  Being it’s the weekend to celebrate St. Patrick’s we figure not to go to a Pub since it would be crawling with people hollering “Woo hoo!” and turning green with beer in their hands.


We opt to try a new restaurant in the area which will name unnamed for the time being.  We wait for a few minutes and Go to fullsize imageadmire the decor in the lobby.  As we wait we finally are seated and then we order our food.  We notice that menu that is offered to us is not the actual menu but a sample menu before the main one gets premiered “soon” whenever that will be.  With only about 8 entrée items to pick from we choose the least likely of what looks not to be too extreme of a choice.

As we are waiting, one of the wait staff asks us if we have bread not even taking into account that there is obviously no bread on the table and hands us a basket of bread and a plate with purple cabbage, olives in various shades of green and two small slices of mild cheese.  The olive/cheese plate was very out of sort as my best friend and I looked at each other as to what to do with this plate so we tried the olive and ate the cheese.  Then the bread basket had a plastic sleeve like cracker “bread sticks” in there and no butter to be found for the bread.

Go to fullsize imageThe bread, house salad, and main entrée came out nearly seconds apart.  We hardly had time to even set up our salads on the salad plate before we even got to even then read for the bread now having to make space for the entrée.  All in all making this just a rushed hands all over attempt to enjoy this meal.  Now with the final breath we looked and waited to make sure that nothing else was going to come out to us then we began to eat.

Now how awful bad timing is that?!

928. When you get confused for a store employee

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So as you make your way through the aisles minding your own business you make your selections and start loading your hand basket/cart. As you reach for the cans of corn which are inconveniently placed on the lower shelf apparently three other cans drop off.  So as you bend down to put up the cans and place them on the shelf you see a pair of feet on your peripheral and you hear the words “Excuse me!

Go to fullsize imageAs you turn and look up and place the cans back on the shelf to then stand back up, the lady continues with, “I’m looking for dish detergent, can you tell me where that is?”  As you stand there aloof for a brief 2 seconds you map out the store in your head.  So then you reply, “Sorry I don’t work here but try aisle 12.”  Then you see the look of confusion and regret on the lady’s face as she apologizes and walks away thanking you.

Now how awful is that?!

936. Having a 100% sarcastic conversation with someone who thinks youre serious

Most people have came across meeting or even have one of their friends that go to the extent of sarcasm for a great laugh and then they either are pulling a fast one on you and you’re just amazed by all the things that they have said.  You just are in total awe by the things that they have done with their day…

“You went to the Bahamas yesterday?!”

“Reallly?!  How was it?!”

“Oh it was great I shot a jackelope and then we went and snorkled in the ocean and I bought you a necklace that I saw at one of the vendor’s cart.  He was very nice he even gave me a bottle of his finest liquor but the airport security didn’t let me take the bottle.  Oh here’s the necklace!” (hands you the jewelry)

“Oh wow, how nice!  Thank you it’s beautiful!”Go to fullsize image

“Sure no problem at all!  You should have come it was a pretty quick flight!  Put it on I want to see how it looks on you!”

(Tries it on) “What do you think!?”

“Yeah, it looks great totally matches your eyes!”

Some off-the-wall commentary and out of sorts scenario would just be quite an eyebrow raiser to some but in this moment the surprise of the gift (more than likely bought at a local Dollar General) just makes it only too good to be true.  In the meantime your other friend standing there is looking off at your friend like what a total loser.

You really believe that?!  Now how amazing awful is that?!

968. That one piece of string that will not get sucked up by the vacuum

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As you are cleaning your house on your Saturday weekly spruce up ritual you get to the rabid cleansing task of vacuuming.  Not only to ignore the guests with loud suction noises that drone back and forth that you wish would end.

As you are passing your vacuüm along you come across a string from most likely your shirt or pant that fell off and it lays there lifeless on the mass sea of carpet.  As you pass over the vacuüm doesn’t seem to suck up the string.  You try again for another attempt.

Failed again.

So in an even bolder attempt to make sure that it gets picked up.  You bend down, pick up the string maneuver some so it sticks up, and proceed to pass the machine over it.  It works!

Then you realize that as you move into the next room as you vacuüm the string comes back out onto the carpet and lies there scraggily laughing at you.

Now how awful is that?!

A Vacuum Sunday by johnralston.