874: When your toothpaste gets messy

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Rise & Shine!  Always best to start your day with a fresh swig of mouth wash, floss, and grab that fine toothbrush and the dreaded toothpaste tube.  Wait a second…dreaded…why so?  Unbeknownst to the average person the tube can be quite an unforgiving product brought to cabinets of many millions of Americans.  Here’s the top 3 reasons why:

  1. Go to fullsize imageNo matter how many times you wipe it down your child always has to squeeze the tube from the middle of the toothpaste tube.  Not many tend to squeeze from the bottom of the tube letting the toothpaste just lay like a badly molded arts and crafts project in your cabinet.
  2. Go to fullsize imageIt’s something about pouring the toothpaste finely on the toothbrush that little kid’s can’t seem to balance.  It lands on the floor and on the counter, in your clothes only to crust over.  Get to work an hour later explain that odd stain to your co-workers they’ll probably grin at you slyly and say, “Suuure…”
  3. Go to  fullsize image My most obnoxious find is when people grab the living life out of the toothpaste and let the contents pour out like a freshly burst birthday pinata – surprise!  No it’s okay don’t clear off the top of the toothpaste, I got it!  Cause I want to sit overnight and crust over and dry nothing says fun in the morning like crusty dried up toothpaste flakes!

Well hopefully that will start your day with a smile – how awfully exciting is that – floss on my friends!

886: Bad Holiday Photos with the Easter Bunny

Inspired by  “50 of the World’s Worst Easter Bunnies” post from Colt Monday

Widget_angp1g7nvi-7hyqxc2yvdjOh how I love the spring holiday when allergies begin to flair, watery eyes, itchy skin, and best of all Easter! The next few posts will be in honor of the upcoming holiday to which I always enjoy!  Let’s start with that giant white furry mascot the Easter Bunny!  Nothing is more scarier to any infant, toddler, or child under the age of 9 than an oversized bunny with a permanent smile and giant eyes waving at you!

The bunny is always excited and eager to make sure you have an egg-celent time.  Parents from all the corners of the Earth go and get their children dressed up to take pictures and stand in line hours on end to pay an overpriced photo of a giant bunny and your child probably holding a plastic egg or looking aloft in the distance with a fake butterfly on their finger and a doey eyes wonder as the bunny creepily waves!

As you can see on the post above from Colt Monday those are some wicked bunnies! At least we can be thankful that Frank from Donnie Darko isn’t there waiting for us to travel through a wormhole to Easterland for the special egg hunt, now how awful is that!

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899: When someone waves at you, but doesn’t

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So you’re sitting in the cafeteria area of the mall and you’re waiting for your friend to meet you at the mall.  You just ordered a slammin’ burger at the BK Lounge and you are just chompin away when you see someone wavin’ at you at the mall.  It looks like your friend and you put down your sandwich and smile and wave back. Then you see the person give you an uncertain smile only to turn back and look that the wave wasn’t for you it was for someone behind you.  Embarrassing…

Other bad waves of excitement:

* The “You, Me, Are you sure?!” wave: you’re walking at the mall and someone you see waves at you from a floor above you stop and look around and then you point at yourself confused and then the person stalls shakes their head yes and then you oddly wave back to get either a hello or just a odd smile back with them waving back.  There went that cute date goodbye.

* The “Waiter I’m not calling you here!” wave:  The wave where you see your friend come by as you’ve saved them a seat and you motion them over and the waiter comes over asking if you need something…no no I don’t…

* The “I’m NOT wavin’ at you!!” wave: You’re exiting the theater and through the cattle call rush out of the theater after the credits are rolling your friend stops and you wave them back to you and as they step to the side someone looks back and confusingly waves to you.  Then you just wave them to the side and they continue to look confuse as you finally walk to your friend then glare at the person who tried waving at you.

* The “Hi neighbor.” wave: The elderly person that gives you the smug smile and waves at you from the side of the road as you drive by lost looking for your friend’s house

* The “Argh forget it” wave: You’re just tired of trying to explain your point, just forget it and wave it on by to totally dismiss your point!

* The “Oops I didn’t mean to cut you off” wave: Yeah thanks for driving closely with your cheesy smile and minutes from a near fatal accident.

* The “I meant goodbye not come here and talk to me for 10 minutes…I’m in a rush” wave: Yeah, I meant to discreetly say hi, not motion you over for lunchtime chatter.

Just awful altogether.

913: People that talk to you closely with bad breath

Go to fullsize imageWhy must you stand so close to me and prolong your words with long drawn out letters?  I can hear what you’re saying at a farther distance away from me!  It really makes matters worse when it’s like your boss or someone important and you really don’t want to hurt their feelings so you subtly offer them gum.

Then they ask oh is it my breath?  Yet they laugh a little and say no I was a bit hungry.  For gum, really – who gets hungry for gum? Yeah your breath does smell and stop standing uncomfortably close to me!

Now how awful smelling is that?!

931. Listening to everyone’s Valentine’s story the day after

Thanks to David P: There needs to be an Anti-Valentines Day!

whoa.jpgFor those single’s and heartbroken lovers you would believe that the last thing you would want to hear from people at work or out and about is about how amazing their lover’s day has been.  Don’t get me wrong, everyone should have a reason to be loved.

I just don’t think that some single people would want to listen to you about all the flowers you got, the dozens of chocolates you inhaled, and the whisked away by the moment vacations.  Can us non-valentine’s lovers just wallow for a few minutes only to smile and realize wait I just saved $150!  No gifts, no dinner, no bulky flowers to store at my house.  Wait a minute I guess it’s quite lovely after all!

Feb. 15th the newly dubbed Anti-Valentine’s Day!  Now how awfully lovely is that?!

Further Reading:

* Anti Valentine’s Day Shop

* Anti Valentine’s Cards

* Anti Valentine’s Day Party Guidebook

933. When you dunk your cookie in milk and it breaks off

Go to fullsize imageNothing is anymore fun than taking a cookie like an oatmeal or Oreo and getting to dunk it in a cold glass of fresh milk.  Only the bad part is when you dunk the cookie for a few seconds that it begins to melt in between your fingers and fall off into the milk and make a soggy grave at the bottom of your cup.  As it falls it splashes into the cup causing the milk to splash in your face and all on the counter.  So the cookie must sit there and wait until you are done with your dunkfest.

Go to fullsize imageAs you finish the few extra cookies you drink the milk and the last cookie slowly sludges its way into your mouth all bloated and mushy.

Now how awfully tasty is that?!

936. Having a 100% sarcastic conversation with someone who thinks youre serious

Most people have came across meeting or even have one of their friends that go to the extent of sarcasm for a great laugh and then they either are pulling a fast one on you and you’re just amazed by all the things that they have said.  You just are in total awe by the things that they have done with their day…

“You went to the Bahamas yesterday?!”

“Reallly?!  How was it?!”

“Oh it was great I shot a jackelope and then we went and snorkled in the ocean and I bought you a necklace that I saw at one of the vendor’s cart.  He was very nice he even gave me a bottle of his finest liquor but the airport security didn’t let me take the bottle.  Oh here’s the necklace!” (hands you the jewelry)

“Oh wow, how nice!  Thank you it’s beautiful!”Go to fullsize image

“Sure no problem at all!  You should have come it was a pretty quick flight!  Put it on I want to see how it looks on you!”

(Tries it on) “What do you think!?”

“Yeah, it looks great totally matches your eyes!”

Some off-the-wall commentary and out of sorts scenario would just be quite an eyebrow raiser to some but in this moment the surprise of the gift (more than likely bought at a local Dollar General) just makes it only too good to be true.  In the meantime your other friend standing there is looking off at your friend like what a total loser.

You really believe that?!  Now how amazing awful is that?!