824. Pulling the first part of toilet paper

So after successfully changing the roll comes the most delicate part of them all: the first tug at the roll of toilet paper.  It seems quite simple but let your eyes not fool you.  The first tug is a keen tug-o-war battle between you and the holy act of cleanliness!  It seems that no matter how lightly or forcefully you pull you can hardly make a simple separation from the roll.  At first it pulls at the first layer and it goes nowhere causing you to bunch it back up and retrying.  Pull again and the paper grabs the second layer…and the third layer.  As you pulling causing a long train of paper to pile up on the floor.  It just continues to pull and makes it worse pulling layer through layer.  After separating the train making a clean break from the roll, but you felt like you’ve pulled enough paper to create a birthday banner!  It should say “Good Luck” for successfully making aclean pull without destroying the roll.  Now with a tangled mess of TP on the counter – AWFUL!

971. Public rest stops

Stretch those buns! by Neal Gillis.

Ah, the joys of road trips with friends, family, or alone.  On the open road and the wind is destiny and so does the rest room because the urge has now exploded into  fury of urgency and half of the people in the car are hungry and you need directions because the GPS has taken you off course 18 miles.

Oh that illustrious rest stop – the haven to refuel, eat, potty, get our essentials and go.

Let’s deconstruct the peculiarity of this place:

Entryway: its always a zoo outside of cars because everyone in the nearest area code decided to go for a ride to visit this place, so good luck finding parking.  Most of these places look like retro lodges and the newer ones look like down town plazas.  Does this place have a directory?

Main Building: as with the recession most of the small rest stops have been cut out from the state since well they were underkept and hardly utilized.   But for the main houses of rest stop areas it can be a mall of selections ranging from the tacky tourist gift shop, sunglasses stand, “what is this name” restaurant, and dungeon-like restrooms.  They can be decorated with fine state history and a wall map of state’s roadways from 3 years ago.  The decor is pretty lack luster and it smells of a bowling alley.

Wonderful-snow-globes-2

 

Tacky Tourist Gift Shop: junky state key chain? Check. I love the state T-shirt? Check.  “All I got was this stupid mug” glassware? Check. Candy that’s been out of commission? Check. Snow globes odd scenery? Check.

 

Sunglasses Stand: you’ve seen them at the mall most likely; the knockoff brands off sunglasses that are so greatly priced 2 or $20.  They’ll look so good they’ll fall off by the time you leave the parking lot! Good luck if you get that sticker off the lens!

 

“What is this name” Restaurant?“: The people could be less than thrilled you are there.  Sure bring a party of 7, cause it sure beats service at your neighborhood family restaurant, wait time 45 min.  One page menu’s and that one employee with the name you can’t pronounce and 3 accent marks in it.  All on the order!, serve it up!

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Dungeon-like Rest room: As you slowly wait your turn, you walk around the corner to the corral of stalls complete with wet floors, tissue paper wadded on the walls, and  grungy sink counters.

 

Gas Station Phone/Plaza: Drive on up to the station where an attendant will fill you up (in some states) or will stare at you as they give you a pack of gum . o O (guess I should’ve got it at the Gift Shop).  Gas pump is slow as molasses and the oil spots are slicker than Walden Pond ice on a winter morning. Dare even go to the payphones that still exist as a cold reminder to keep your cell phones charged.

Back on the road and would you have guessed 15 min later someone has to use the rest room – again?!

 

Now how awful is that?!

999. Having to use the stall no one wants

So you’re at you’re local multiplex movie theater 32 and the movie has just let out and you’ve been holding your pee for what seemed like forever!  You excuse yourself past the crowd nearly wanting to knock everyone down became one more step is a minutes from a Niagra Falls personal experience.

As you approach the restroom it seems like everyone must have had lots of water cause they just ALL have to go at the same time!  So man rule dictates that:

A)you keep one stall between you and the estranged person in there if there are multiple stalls or

B) you just the toilet stall if there is two stalls and no divider.

So unfortunately in this scenario none of the options are available sans the wall and there is only one stall available.  In an utter rush to take the stall before someone goes over there you rush to the stall and proceed to handle business.  Exert the cough and you stare at the wall not to look suspicious.

When you finish the cough, you look down only to notice that the someone has  stuffed the urinal with toilet paper but left you a little nuglet as if the sheer shock hasn’t gotten to you by now the wet floor spot that you now occupy has just amplified the moment.

Now is the time to push forward with a quick flush, wash of the hands, steady walk out of the area, and a mental note to drink less of that large soda that you got at the concession stand.

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Now how awful is that?