929. When your umbrella won’t close right

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Forget it!!! You just toss the sucker away.  You figure that a simple tool as an umbrella would help in times of inclement weather such as heavy rain, light wind, and sunny afternoons yet they become more cumbersome that even Rhianna gets frustrated Yeah..Ehh..Ehh!

So after using your umbrella in one of these unfortunate weather induced events comes the part of putting away the object.  Now most homes, offices, or restaurants aren’t equipped ready for umbrella stowaways so you must resort to laying it behind you on the bench seat or on a side chair at your table (if available).

Closing the umbrella has been dubbed as one of the most silly processes since more than likely you close down the umbrella as it folds itself in but then sometimes doesn’t catch the “guard” clip and then opens back up!  Then you repeat the process and then if you get successful you have to wrestle with the fabric material of the umbrella and wrap it back up!  Then once you have accomplished that then the handle of the umbrella pops back out jabbing you in the stomach or hitting an unexpected friend/person next to you.

Now how awfully uncoordinated is that?!

Further Reading:

*Readymade Readers Renewing Broken Umbrellas

* Dog Coats out of Recycled Umbrella

* How to fix a jammed umbrella

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939. Puppy tears up his pillow

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Puppies, those cute little versions of dogs that whimper and whine for our affection. How we go “aww” when we see them in the store window. Yet when we finally go and select one, get papers, shots, and naming the puppy settled, and take it home comes the matter of house training the puppy.

You go out and make a space for the puppy in your home and you just let your puppy walk around and looking all scared you pick up puppy and tour him around the home. He sits shaking on the kitchen floor only to welcome his housewarming with a fresh yellow puddle.

So now begins the joy of his journey, after some months have passed you go home and bring him a puppy pillow for his crate and he just loves it. After a long tiring day at work you come home to see not fragments but chunks of his pillow tore up all over the floor. He’s just sitting there looking at you with his sad little eyes like oops!

So in a fit of fRuStRaTiOn you pick up the pieces and there you have a present waiting for you in the middle of the floor and it’s not chocolate. Now how awful is that?!

960. Getting a mystery can of shaken soda

We’ve all done it once or thought about it, just getting a can of soda and just shaking it up and popping the top to watch it explode!  The sheer excitement of watching it pour out and shoot out like fireworks is always a moment of wonder and enthusiasm.

Just don’t do it to your co-worker, friend, or family member during a serious moment in time – they’ll surely get an unplesant surprise.  [SHake] [SHAKe] [SHAKE] surprise!!!!!

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Feeling thirsty?!  Just be wary when opening up that can just handed to you!  Nothing ruins an outfit better than soda all over your clothes, fun to watch, but not wiping off your new shirt!  Now how awful is that to clean up?

971. Public rest stops

Stretch those buns! by Neal Gillis.

Ah, the joys of road trips with friends, family, or alone.  On the open road and the wind is destiny and so does the rest room because the urge has now exploded into  fury of urgency and half of the people in the car are hungry and you need directions because the GPS has taken you off course 18 miles.

Oh that illustrious rest stop – the haven to refuel, eat, potty, get our essentials and go.

Let’s deconstruct the peculiarity of this place:

Entryway: its always a zoo outside of cars because everyone in the nearest area code decided to go for a ride to visit this place, so good luck finding parking.  Most of these places look like retro lodges and the newer ones look like down town plazas.  Does this place have a directory?

Main Building: as with the recession most of the small rest stops have been cut out from the state since well they were underkept and hardly utilized.   But for the main houses of rest stop areas it can be a mall of selections ranging from the tacky tourist gift shop, sunglasses stand, “what is this name” restaurant, and dungeon-like restrooms.  They can be decorated with fine state history and a wall map of state’s roadways from 3 years ago.  The decor is pretty lack luster and it smells of a bowling alley.

Wonderful-snow-globes-2

 

Tacky Tourist Gift Shop: junky state key chain? Check. I love the state T-shirt? Check.  “All I got was this stupid mug” glassware? Check. Candy that’s been out of commission? Check. Snow globes odd scenery? Check.

 

Sunglasses Stand: you’ve seen them at the mall most likely; the knockoff brands off sunglasses that are so greatly priced 2 or $20.  They’ll look so good they’ll fall off by the time you leave the parking lot! Good luck if you get that sticker off the lens!

 

“What is this name” Restaurant?“: The people could be less than thrilled you are there.  Sure bring a party of 7, cause it sure beats service at your neighborhood family restaurant, wait time 45 min.  One page menu’s and that one employee with the name you can’t pronounce and 3 accent marks in it.  All on the order!, serve it up!

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Dungeon-like Rest room: As you slowly wait your turn, you walk around the corner to the corral of stalls complete with wet floors, tissue paper wadded on the walls, and  grungy sink counters.

 

Gas Station Phone/Plaza: Drive on up to the station where an attendant will fill you up (in some states) or will stare at you as they give you a pack of gum . o O (guess I should’ve got it at the Gift Shop).  Gas pump is slow as molasses and the oil spots are slicker than Walden Pond ice on a winter morning. Dare even go to the payphones that still exist as a cold reminder to keep your cell phones charged.

Back on the road and would you have guessed 15 min later someone has to use the rest room – again?!

 

Now how awful is that?!

999. Having to use the stall no one wants

So you’re at you’re local multiplex movie theater 32 and the movie has just let out and you’ve been holding your pee for what seemed like forever!  You excuse yourself past the crowd nearly wanting to knock everyone down became one more step is a minutes from a Niagra Falls personal experience.

As you approach the restroom it seems like everyone must have had lots of water cause they just ALL have to go at the same time!  So man rule dictates that:

A)you keep one stall between you and the estranged person in there if there are multiple stalls or

B) you just the toilet stall if there is two stalls and no divider.

So unfortunately in this scenario none of the options are available sans the wall and there is only one stall available.  In an utter rush to take the stall before someone goes over there you rush to the stall and proceed to handle business.  Exert the cough and you stare at the wall not to look suspicious.

When you finish the cough, you look down only to notice that the someone has  stuffed the urinal with toilet paper but left you a little nuglet as if the sheer shock hasn’t gotten to you by now the wet floor spot that you now occupy has just amplified the moment.

Now is the time to push forward with a quick flush, wash of the hands, steady walk out of the area, and a mental note to drink less of that large soda that you got at the concession stand.

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Now how awful is that?